Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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