my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize