i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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