Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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