he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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