I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
