I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
