I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
