My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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