so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
