I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
