i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm way too hungover for life right now
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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