I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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