He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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