Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
