Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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