she woke up with a sticky ear
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
