It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
