Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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