I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
