If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
