if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
