that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
