I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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