I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
