I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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