i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
