i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
