i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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