yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize