I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
