Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
