Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
