who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
