I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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