So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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