Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
