You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
