yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
