i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
