so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
