That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
