If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
