I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize