so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
