the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
