You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize