Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
