Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
