There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
