Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
