THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
