You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
