Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
