take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
