Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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