Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
