I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
