You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
