this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
