I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
