There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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