Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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