Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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