Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
