i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
