she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
