Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We had to coat check the pizza.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
