I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize