11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
