I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You took a bar mat shot.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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