Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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