Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
