I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
